From an elevated position, which is behind the biggest desk (an antique, legacy piece, no doubt) . . . a desk most hope to never have to face . . . the judge quickly scans the papers now taking their turn at the top of the pile.
Bailiff instructs on cue: “Defendant will now rise.”
Defendant asks: “With or without the chair?”
Bailiff looks confused and unamused.
Defendant smiles and stands.
Judge speaks to the now standing defendant while still looking at the papers: “You have been charged with speaking truth to falsehood. How do you plead?”
“Foolish, your honor.”
Judge: “I didn’t ask you how you felt, I asked you how do you plead?”
“Usually on both knees with tears.”
Judge: “Give me a break, will you!?”
“Hey, not fair. That was going to be my plea to you.”
(Sniggling [snickering giggling] from the gallery)
Judge commands: (Banging the gavel) “Order in the court!!”
Quiet ensues. The judge immediately pivots back to the accused.
Judge: “Do you think this is some sort of game?”
“Oh, for sure. Don’t you?”
Judge: “I most certainly do not and neither will you, after all of this is through.”
“Do you make the rules?”
Judge: “In here, you bet I do.”
“Do you know of anything other than a game that has to have rules?”
Judge: “Enough of this. Will the accused enter a plea?”
“I will your honor.”
A pause entered and lingered.
Judge: staring, waiting, glaring and, when the breath was being drawn in to speak, hearing . . .
“Understanding.”
Judge: “What!!??”
“I plead understanding and will accept any punishment the game keeper decides.”
Judge: “Remand the defendant into custody. Thirty days for contempt of court. We’ll address the other matters after the defendant has had time to reflect upon the gravity of the situation.”
“Gravity? . . . now that’s a subject I’m keenly interested in. Can’t wait to talk about it in a month.”
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