Intentions to Grow

If my intention is to expand, to grow, to explore,
there are aspects of my humanity that also intends to
attempt to control (manipulate, direct, manage)
my explanation
even as it admits
that as a matter of actual truth
I have no experience with
what growth actually is
except that it seems to
involve opening up more
to something other that
what I already think I know
or understand
completely
for all time
my mind is settled on the matter
you know
it’s closed on the subject.

Well, 
that right there internally
is where we decided that growing was nonsense,
it don’t make no sense.

Thinking stops from growing in the realms that it cannot explain,
It ties me up in unanswerable questions.
It invents/discovers/thinks up these questions like a bureaucrat
while my spirit is kept juvenile, patiently waiting
to grow out of this.