When I care so much that it hurts,
and I still want to care, I have to ask myself what it is I care about? My personal reply: I care about learning and loving more. I was inclined and tending towards that somehow already. However,
it is not my goal to go around caring, only to have it bring me constant emotional heartburn.
For me, that’s when, in my consciousness, the infinite loop of self-diminution emerged as an invite to self-sabotage…it runs along like this:
in my noticing of a moment or situation, I have to admit that there are actual instances when, by all accounts from those involved, I did a little good.
It’s a mystery. Trust me. A pleasant one, though. I will confess.
Yet, in the next instant I tell myself, even with that little good, I might or could or, perhaps, should have done even more. And I just yucked on my yum. And, soon enough, my internal self-speak, if I’m not paying attention emotionally and/or linguistically shifts. Subtly and towards an untruth. A falsehood.
The difference between
I did a little good
I did little good
is the simple