when I felt empty,
I thought it was my fault
or that I had no worth.
and since I couldn’t explain it
and there was no guidance offered with it
all I could think to do
was to run from that pit that I feared was my core
and I wanted to deny that I was afraid
and deny that I was running.
Until someone kindly pointed out that I was treating my fleeing in terror as if it were a way of exercising to stay in shape.
Funny that. It was the truth. Still brings a smile . . .
Side note: one of the real cattle prods that I was given to start my flight from truth was a belief: When I was very young, I was told that I had done something really bad (well, not me exactly—apparently my proxy) . . . this was a serious chat at the time, mind you . . .and in my innocence and in my heart I knew this could not be true . . . and if it were? . . . not a clue what it could be . . .
And then I was told that not to believe in my own sinfulness was, in itself, a sin.
Needless to say, that was a lot to unpack.